To know what the mind wants in a world where there is no existence worth understanding, is painful. I open my eyes and everything I see is washed out versions of what they should be. My life stays dormant for as long as my eyes are open, taking in mundane images and detailed little rules that are needed to be believed in and abhorred to. I have nothing against the rules but I feel my personality splitting to accommodate for the world that I see when I walk in my standard 9-5 life.
My 9-5 is this; Open eyes, sit up on my sofa, reach for an aspirin and ignore the other pots of pills that sit beside it. Walk down the hall, pour some coffee and wait for my ride to pick me up to go to work. He leaves me waiting most days, three to four hours if I’m lucky. When he does arrive he plays with the cars on the road like his own little death game. That part is always fun. I am a strong believer that anyone who gets into a car like that should also have ensured they have said goodbye to all the loved ones they could think of... Just in case.
Once the journey is complete, I once again find myself in the same place I have been for the past five years. The building is grey and nothing grows around the outside. I don’t blame them, if I were a plant, I wouldn’t grow there either. The people inside are nice. They are pleasant and talk with a smile and nod. They ask you how your day is and laugh at your jokes, but it’s the same premise every day; sit, work, eat, sigh and go home again.
So I wait for my ride to take his head out of his superior’s arse at the end of the day and brace myself for my dice with death once more. I get in the car and not one word is muttered aside from the expletives that leave his mouth when another driver dares to complain as he overtakes them on a bend.
I’m home now and the washed out day is complete. My brain has been patient all day and now it gets what it wants. I sit on my space on the sofa, rest my head against the side and feel consciousness slip silently away.
I’ve always been able to log what happens from the moment I fall asleep to the moment I wake again. Most people can only remember the dream part, if that, but me? I can see it all.
At first nothing happens, darkness takes over and everything around me is the most still I have ever known. But even this is somehow better than my day because the richness of that dark is so much more intense than the washed out colours of my living room. I bask in it, feeling nothing and expecting nothing. It’s what I would have deemed as perfect... until pure perfection arrives.
It starts with a single spot of colour, usually a deep purple or a warm orange. I watch it, perfectly spherical, pushing at the darkness around it, desperate to fill the space with what it has to offer. The bigger the colour gets, the more tones are applied, and soon there is a whole rainbow of Technicolor that sends a shiver down my spine and makes me want to burst into laughter and scream ‘I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!’
I watch the colours wash over the newly formed ground in front of me and push their way under my feet and into the space behind me. I always make sure I focus on that when it happens so I can always have that breathtaking feeling when I look up from the ground and see what my mind really wants to see. It’s beautiful, there are intense turquoise colours in the sky and in the lake ten feet away from where I stand. The bank that surrounds the lake, shows a couple of centimetres of chocolate brown until the emerald green shade of grass takes over and continues to where I am. The trees that tower over me on both sides are rich in colour, oak to my left and the most intensely bright orange tree to my right. I step forward and pick an orange, allowing the orange peel to fall on the floor behind me as I make my way towards the lake. Once I reach the bank I see my chair, it’s lilac and big. The daddy of all armchairs, and it looks out onto the lake, giving a perfect view of the action on it. I sit on it and get that feeling from my very core. Today isn’t a day for watching what happens on the lake, today we’re doing something else.
The colours merge into a blur around me as the realisation hit me and suddenly I’m no longer outside, instead I am in my flat, only nothing is plain about it. Everything is rich and sparkles and the walls are somehow bigger than in my wakened state. I smile, I know where I am, I know this place, not because I’ve lived in it for eight years, but because I’ve dreamt in it for four.
I stand and take the tour of my small flat, allowing my fingertips to touch everything I pass, each touch sends a tingling sensation soaring through my body. A tear falls down my cheek as I realise the pure joy that I am feeling in this moment, I am happy, happier than I have ever been. I can feel the familiar sense of frustration near the small of my back, it sits there most nights, niggling away, never completely gone because it knows, this isn’t where I get to stay.
The room shifts on me and I’m suddenly in my kitchen, only I don’t remember walking in there. I know what this means, it means he’s getting impatient, it means he wants to be found. I smile to myself and walk to the entrance of the utility room, peering round the side to see two legs sticking out from the cupboard under the sink.
"Enough with fixing the sink.” I say. “You know it works really.”
He pokes his head out of the cupboard and smiles his crooked smile.
“I also know you like me as a handyman.”
I laugh slightly at that and role my eyes. I take his hand and drag him out, sitting on the floor in front of him I pull him towards me and allow him to kiss me ever so lightly as I watch his eyes cloud over with desire. I rest my forehead against his chest and sigh, a deep contented happy sigh.
But in spite of all of this the frustration in the small of my back gives a twist and tears fall from my eyes. I pull my face away and let my hands rest on his chest. I concentrate on the fabric of his denim shirt over his white stained t shirt. I let my fingers trace over the seam and rest at the buttons, I can feel the material, I can smell his aftershave, I can taste his breath so close to mine. The frustration presses against my spine and weaves into my stomach and I cry again. Only this time I sob heavily, desperation takes over me and I claw at the man in front of me, pressing myself as close to him as I possibly can. He soothes me, I can hear him whispering calm words in my ear. I can feel his hands rubbing my back, attempting to ease the sobbing away.
I haven’t opened my eyes but I know the place has changed. He’s still with me but we aren’t in the flat anymore, I open my eyes and see we’re at the bowling alley, only it’s outside and it’s snowing. I shiver, he takes his denim shirt off and wraps it round me. It makes sense, he couldn’t possibly be any colder than he already is.
Callie is throwing a bowling ball down the lane, Tim is cheering her on. They’re dressed for summer, Callie in a yellow maxi dress, Tim in his horrific tropical surfer shorts and a sleeveless shirt. Callie scores a strike and Tim lets out a whoop of support, grabbing her and spinning her round.
I’m frustrated today, I want this place to be the normal happy place it usually is, but it bugs me that all three of them are in the snow and don’t look cold.
“It’s snowing.” I say. “You need jumpers and jeans for snow.”
Callie laughs at that, “We don’t need anything.” She replies.
I can feel him squeezing my waist in support, without looking I know he’s staring at me in concern. I wish this place wouldn’t have so many holes in it to prove it’s inaccuracy. All it’s doing today is showing why these people now only exist here.
Callie has a scar by her collar bone, she doesn’t notice it but I hate that tonight I did. The bowling ball she picks up to play is grey. I scream in frustration as I see my place crack around me.
I can no longer feel his hand at my waist, I don’t want to look around because I can’t stand the idea that he’s not there anymore. I close my eyes and scream again and then I open them and look at the washed out colours of my small living room. I reach out and take an aspirin, ignoring the other pots of pills that sit beside it.
Saturday, 25 September 2010
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Lexie
Lexie’s hand twitched and then nothing. It had been a long time since anything had moved prior to the twitch, too long. Everything around her was pitch black and she wasn’t sure as to why this was. She was pretty sure that she could fix it, that if she wanted to, the lack of sight would disappear, but she wasn’t sure what she was meant to do.
Her hand twitched again, this time she could feel her fingers lightly touch the inside of her palm. It was an odd sensation, something felt wrong about it, like it wasn’t her palm at all. She became aware of a small dumb pain weighing down on her leg, it grew in intensity the longer she thought of it until she wanted to cry out from the agony of it. But no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t remember how. It was as if she didn’t have a body that would be able to accommodate such a notion.
Eventually the pain reached a height to which she couldn’t control and her body opened her mouth to react. Instead of screaming however, she simply inhaled deeply and let out a large gasp. By that one action it suddenly occurred to her how she could stop the darkness around her, she had to open her eyes. She urged her lids to open but they wouldn’t respond, she didn’t understand it, she was pretty sure this should come instinctively to her.
Her hand twitched for a third time, this time taking her by surprise, she hadn’t expected that to happen. Her eyes shot open to examine the spasming hand and saw a red blur in front of her. Lexie blinked a couple of times, urging her eyes to focus, she felt warm tears drip down the side of her face in protest. Eventually the image became clearer, her arm lay outstretched in front of her line of vision, bare and dirty. A large gaping cut ran down the inside of her arm right down to her hand which rested in mid air in an upwards claw fashion. She watched her hand twitch once more and let a couple of drops of blood fall from her fingertips to the ground below.
Lexie wasn’t on the ground, she knew that, she was elevated and her arm didn’t seem to have anything below it. She concentrated all of her energy on moving her head so that she could take in more of what was around her. She was in a room, it was grey and filthy, stains ran up the parts of the wall that she could see. The moment she saw those stains a smell hit her, it was foul, like human faeces and urine and vomit all wrapped into one nostril burning package. She crinkled her nose in response and moved her blood stained arm to block the smell out.
She attempted to sit up, now that she had worked out she could move one major limb, it was about time she tested the others. She threw both arms below her to prop her up as something seemed to be weighing down on her legs. The moment she put strain on her arm she regretted it, a sharp needle like pain shot straight up her arm into her shoulder and she felt her body cower under it.
She removed her arm and brought it in front of her, cradling it with the other. She was upright now and could see she was sitting on a table. Her eyes travelled to her legs and found the source of their lack of movement. Sat at the end of the table was a man, he was on a chair but his entire upper body laid sprawled over her legs, there he stayed, gently snoring in his sleep. Something in the back of Lexie’s mind told her that she should be afraid of this, she was hurt and in a mysterious room with a man pinning her down. However, she didn’t feel fear at seeing this man, in fact she felt a small comfort in watching him sleep, she was pretty sure she knew this man, no, more than that; she loved this man.
His body wasn’t pinning her down in a menacing way, it was covering as much of her as he could, he was protecting her, even in his sleep. His name was Finn, he had long shaggy brown hair and the most piercing blue eyes she had ever seen. He was good looking, funny, weird and passionate and for some reason he focused all of that passion on Lexie. He was her soul mate and best friend, he was her everything, he was her reason for living.
Lexie reached forward and gently touched his hair, running her hand through it and enjoying the sensation it left at her fingertips. Finn moved under her touch, his head nestling further into Lexie’s lap, she smiled and resumed her stroking, he looked so peaceful, so calm.
He stirred again, this time opening his eyes. Automatically he shot up, looking around him wildly for the source of the touch he had just felt. His eyes fell on Lexie and changed from confusion to concern, he left his chair and rushed to her side, taking her face in both his hands and examining her.
“How bad is it?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” Lexie responded, unable to take her eyes away from his.
“Can you move everything?”
“I think so. I couldn’t move my legs but that was because you were on them.”
Finn gazed down at her legs. “I never meant to fall asleep.” He said.
“It’s okay, you looked like you needed the rest.”
“Can you move them now?”
Lexie dragged her eyes away from Finn and turned her attention onto her legs. Her left leg moved straight away, bending in and drawing to her chest. Her right started to move but struggled and sent a shooting pain up in response.
“I think I’ve hurt my right leg.” Lexie said.
Finn’s hands shot to Lexie’s leg and started to lift her linen trousers up to her thigh, exposing her skin as purple and swollen.
“Oh my-“ Lexie started. “How?”
“You caught it on that tree’s root when we were running.” Finn sighed. “I heard it snap, you passed out pretty soon afterwards.”
“Is it broken?”
Finn let his hands move gently up and down Lexie’s leg, sending a shiver down her spine. His hands rested on her calf, Lexie flinched as pain shot through her from his light touch.
“I would seem so.” Finn said, smiling soberly.
He moved his hands round to the back of her leg and leant down to the main source of the pain. Closing his eyes, he softly kissed the darkest area of the bruise and raised his face to hers.
“I’ll get it fixed, I promise.”
“Where are we?”
Finn looked around him. “Somewhere safe although not for long, I thought it was better to let you rest before continuing to move. We’re deep in the forest but this place is pretty exposed if anyone comes in this far.”
“We have to move again?” There was a tone of panic in Lexie’s voice, her mind concentrating on blocking out the ever throbbing pain from her leg.
Finn sighed and looked at her again. “I’ll carry you.”
Lexie let out a small laugh. “There’s no way you can do that this far in.”
“Well, it’s not like we have many other options.”
“Yes we do.” Lexie said. “You could leave me behind.”
Finn rolled his eyes. “Now why would you even suggest an option like that? You know I would rather die first.”
“There you go being all melodramatic again.”
“And your suggestion wasn’t?” Finn sighed and wiped a stray hair from Lexie’s face.
“We are both going to get out of here together, we will be safe and never have to worry about it again.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you be so optimistic.”
Finn smiled. “We are so close to the border I can smell the freedom.”
“And them?” Lexie asked. “How close are we to that?”
“I doubt they stopped to rest just because we did, which means you can bet we’ve lost our head start.”
“We had a head start?”
Finn laughed and kissed Lexie’s forehead. “We gained some ground when we had the truck.”
Lexie sighed. “This is not how I imagined this summer holiday to pan out.”
“I guess you’re just too good for a simple holiday.”
“You were the one who did the work, Doctor Finn.”
“I would never have considered it if you hadn’t encouraged me.”
Lexie stared at her hands. “They were all so hurt. I couldn’t stand it.” She raised her eyes to his, a coy smile on her face. “At least there are people alive because of it.”
“It makes it almost worth it.” Finn smiled back, resting his forehead on hers.
Lexie rested against Finn’s head and closed her eyes, soaking in the momentary contentment that resonated between the two of them. A flash of a wooden board striking across her face shot into her mind, she opened her eyes and drew away, tears forming at her eyes.
“I feel so foolish.” She said. “I should never have trusted him.”
“You trust everyone.”
“I know, that’s what makes me a fool.”
“That’s what makes you Lexie. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
Lexie's hand reached to Finn's face, her fingertips tracing the lines she knew off by heart of her husbands face.
"I have a confession to make." She said.
"What's that?"
"I'm not feeling as hopeful as you."
Finn clenched his jaw and cupped Lexie's chin with his finger, he held her gaze, ensuring he had every bit of her attention.
"Don't give up Lex, I promise you I will get you out of here, if it's the last thing I do."
Lexie pushed her lips against Finn's in response, a single tear fell down her face as she closed her eyes. Finn threaded his hands through her hair, drawing her closer to him. Despite Lexie's limited movement, both bodies merged together the way they had so many times before, a perfect fit, designed flawlessly for each other. They drew apart and Finn kissed her cheek and forehead before bringing her head to his chest and wrapping his arms around her. Lexie buried her face into his grubby shirt and held on tight like her life depended on it.
A shout sounded from far away and Finn turned, his arms spread across Lexie’s front and his ears strained for the next sound. They both stayed perfectly still, neither one moving even a centimetre for fear of being heard. It felt like they had stayed that way for hours until they heard another shout, it was short and impossible to decipher but it was enough for Finn. He whipped back round to Lexie and scooped her up in his arms. Before she could argue he was out of the small, one room shack and diving behind the nearest tree. There he placed Lexie on the ground and covered every part of her he could with his body. The greenery around them obstructed them from any clear view beyond the tree. Lexie placed her hand over her mouth to limit the sound her breathing made, Finn placed his hand around her head and drew her to his chest holding her as close to him as he could.
She clung on to him there, not daring to move a single millimetre. She could feel Finn’s body as tense as anything as he crouched over her, poised and ready for whoever would turn up. Lexie breathed in her husband’s smell, even now, after running for two days and being stuck in a shack that smelt like a sewage system for a whole night, he still smelt like her Finn. It was a smell she knew instinctively; musky, with a small tinge of the cologne he had been using since they were 17. She breathed it in, wanting to take in as much as was possible, as if it would be the last time she would ever be able to do it.
Everything around them had gone silent, not a single leaf seemed to move and no birds could be heard overhead.
“Finn?” Lexie whispered, but Finn shot his finger to her lips, stopping her from saying another word, his eyes peeled beyond the bush.
After a couple of minutes, he pulled his eyes away from the forest and rested them on Lexie’s. Lexie smiled, for a moment she forgot everything, all she could see was him. He smiled back and shifted himself so that he was sitting on the ground with Lexie crawled up on his lap. Neither person spoke or did anything to draw attention to where they were; instead they sat, holding each other’s gaze as if it was the most important thing in the world.
A dark shadow covered them both, interrupting their moment of silence. Finn’s eyes shot up to the source of the shadow, just behind Lexie. Lexie opened her mouth to ask what it was but felt two hands grab her round her waist and pull her away from him.
Finn protested, holding on tight to Lexie for as long as he could but another figure appeared behind him and kicked him squarely in the face. Finn’s grasp was lost from around Lexie’s waist and he fell backwards, consciousness lost. Lexie yelled out for him, praying that he would answer, but his eyes didn’t open and he didn’t respond.
The arms around Lexie’s waist pulled her backwards, out of their hidden spot and threw her into the clearing. She let out a scream as she landed while swallowing down the vomit that threatening to escape her throat.
“Oh do shut up Lex.” The voice was deep and so familiar to Lexie by now that she knew instantly who it was.
She blinked back the tears trying to escape and took deep breaths to control the pain. She had promised herself the last time she saw this man she would never let him see her cry again.
“Just leave us alone Adam.” She spoke out eventually, once she was sure she could keep her voice under control.
Adam walked into her line of sight and crouched down opposite her, lifting her chin to match her gaze with his.
“Now why would I want to do that?” He said. “You have been far too lovely to me to ever warrant such a disgusting level of ingratitude.”
“I’m pretty sure kicking the consciousness out of my husband is not gratitude.”
“In my defence, that was not me.” His eyes shot to the third person in the clearing, a small teenage boy, no older than 16. “Silly Michael, you can’t take him anywhere.”
Michael sneered at this and rolled his eyes, taking a seat on the low tree branch that was now hiding Finn from Lexie’s view.
“How could I have ever trusted you?”
“Because I was nice to you.” Adam smiled. “And I never gave you any cause not to.”
Lexie’s face pulled into a sneer, with every level of hatred she could possibly muster she spat into Adam’s face and punched him full across the jaw. Adam’s face moved with the momentum of it but the rest of him stayed perfectly still. He kept his head turned away from her, a look of annoyance on his face and slowly he lifted his hand to his cheek and wiped the spit away. Once he was sure it had all gone his eyes shot back to Lexie, his teeth gritted together and a small growl rumbling at the base of his throat.
“Are you quite done?” He said.
“I haven’t even started.”
Adam laughed at that and grabbed the back of Lexie’s neck, kissing her on the forehead.
“I always loved your passion Lex.”
“You haven’t known me long enough to ‘always’ love anything about me.”
“Well that’s simply not true.” Adam said, his face inches from hers. “I always knew I would kill you as well.”
A crash, followed by the sound of bones breaking, sounded behind Lexie. She twisted her body round to find Michael gone. Panic shot through her as she wondered where he had got to and which of Finn’s bones he had broken. A body immerged out from behind the bush, except it wasn’t Michael, it was Finn. He leapt over the branch and Lexie in one jump, landing on Adam and pinning him to the ground. Adam’s legs kicked out and hit Lexie in the head, knocking her to the ground. Her body lay turned away from the fight, consciousness threatening to leave her at any second. She breathed deeply, trying with all her might to concentrate on what was happening behind her while working out how to move her body to see.
Grunts and shouts were heard, as well as punches and kicks. Lexie propped herself up on her arms, not caring at all about the pain it caused her to do so. She focused all her attention on turning round but before she could she heard a sound she never wanted to hear again. It was a gunshot. Lexie stayed perfectly still, too terrified to turn around. She didn’t need to however as the weight of a body fell onto her lap, weighing down on her broken leg.
With a deep sense of foreboding, she let her eyes fall onto the body which lay face down on her legs, his arms stretched protectively over her lap. She let out a haggard breath as her shaking hand reached down to his long shaggy hair. Her fingers taking in the sensation as her hands ran through the strands. He didn’t move this time, his body didn’t respond to her touch the way it had done so many times before. She bit her lip and stifled a sob desperately trying to escape her lips.
“Finn?” She whispered.
Nothing.
“Finn?” She said it louder this time.
His body stayed perfectly still.
“Finn!” She cried out, moving her arms to his shoulders and shaking him with all her might.
She pushed on his shoulder, moving him round to his back. He fell back onto her lower legs, landing on her broken bone. Somewhere in the deep resonances of her mind she was shocked at the lack of pain she felt because of it. The rest of her however, just stared incredulously at her soul mate. He lay there heavily, his unseeing eyes half open and gazing just beyond her, his body still, too still. She could feel her breath becoming uneven as she continued to stare at him, a panic rose from deep within her at the thought of what this one moment meant for her, what a life without the man she was destined to be with would be like. Her hand shot down to his shirt and clutched hold of it, her face lowered down so that her mouth was at his ear.
“You promised me.” She whispered, allowing the fresh tears to fall down her face.
“But it’s okay. I’ll see you soon baby.”
With that she straightened her body and turned to face her husband’s killer. She smiled sadly as she saw Adam standing over them both, his face murderous. He returned her smile and raised his gun to her face. Lexie heard the gun cock and closed her eyes, a picture of Finn on her mind as her life disappeared from her.
Her hand twitched again, this time she could feel her fingers lightly touch the inside of her palm. It was an odd sensation, something felt wrong about it, like it wasn’t her palm at all. She became aware of a small dumb pain weighing down on her leg, it grew in intensity the longer she thought of it until she wanted to cry out from the agony of it. But no matter how much she wanted to, she couldn’t remember how. It was as if she didn’t have a body that would be able to accommodate such a notion.
Eventually the pain reached a height to which she couldn’t control and her body opened her mouth to react. Instead of screaming however, she simply inhaled deeply and let out a large gasp. By that one action it suddenly occurred to her how she could stop the darkness around her, she had to open her eyes. She urged her lids to open but they wouldn’t respond, she didn’t understand it, she was pretty sure this should come instinctively to her.
Her hand twitched for a third time, this time taking her by surprise, she hadn’t expected that to happen. Her eyes shot open to examine the spasming hand and saw a red blur in front of her. Lexie blinked a couple of times, urging her eyes to focus, she felt warm tears drip down the side of her face in protest. Eventually the image became clearer, her arm lay outstretched in front of her line of vision, bare and dirty. A large gaping cut ran down the inside of her arm right down to her hand which rested in mid air in an upwards claw fashion. She watched her hand twitch once more and let a couple of drops of blood fall from her fingertips to the ground below.
Lexie wasn’t on the ground, she knew that, she was elevated and her arm didn’t seem to have anything below it. She concentrated all of her energy on moving her head so that she could take in more of what was around her. She was in a room, it was grey and filthy, stains ran up the parts of the wall that she could see. The moment she saw those stains a smell hit her, it was foul, like human faeces and urine and vomit all wrapped into one nostril burning package. She crinkled her nose in response and moved her blood stained arm to block the smell out.
She attempted to sit up, now that she had worked out she could move one major limb, it was about time she tested the others. She threw both arms below her to prop her up as something seemed to be weighing down on her legs. The moment she put strain on her arm she regretted it, a sharp needle like pain shot straight up her arm into her shoulder and she felt her body cower under it.
She removed her arm and brought it in front of her, cradling it with the other. She was upright now and could see she was sitting on a table. Her eyes travelled to her legs and found the source of their lack of movement. Sat at the end of the table was a man, he was on a chair but his entire upper body laid sprawled over her legs, there he stayed, gently snoring in his sleep. Something in the back of Lexie’s mind told her that she should be afraid of this, she was hurt and in a mysterious room with a man pinning her down. However, she didn’t feel fear at seeing this man, in fact she felt a small comfort in watching him sleep, she was pretty sure she knew this man, no, more than that; she loved this man.
His body wasn’t pinning her down in a menacing way, it was covering as much of her as he could, he was protecting her, even in his sleep. His name was Finn, he had long shaggy brown hair and the most piercing blue eyes she had ever seen. He was good looking, funny, weird and passionate and for some reason he focused all of that passion on Lexie. He was her soul mate and best friend, he was her everything, he was her reason for living.
Lexie reached forward and gently touched his hair, running her hand through it and enjoying the sensation it left at her fingertips. Finn moved under her touch, his head nestling further into Lexie’s lap, she smiled and resumed her stroking, he looked so peaceful, so calm.
He stirred again, this time opening his eyes. Automatically he shot up, looking around him wildly for the source of the touch he had just felt. His eyes fell on Lexie and changed from confusion to concern, he left his chair and rushed to her side, taking her face in both his hands and examining her.
“How bad is it?” He asked.
“I don’t know.” Lexie responded, unable to take her eyes away from his.
“Can you move everything?”
“I think so. I couldn’t move my legs but that was because you were on them.”
Finn gazed down at her legs. “I never meant to fall asleep.” He said.
“It’s okay, you looked like you needed the rest.”
“Can you move them now?”
Lexie dragged her eyes away from Finn and turned her attention onto her legs. Her left leg moved straight away, bending in and drawing to her chest. Her right started to move but struggled and sent a shooting pain up in response.
“I think I’ve hurt my right leg.” Lexie said.
Finn’s hands shot to Lexie’s leg and started to lift her linen trousers up to her thigh, exposing her skin as purple and swollen.
“Oh my-“ Lexie started. “How?”
“You caught it on that tree’s root when we were running.” Finn sighed. “I heard it snap, you passed out pretty soon afterwards.”
“Is it broken?”
Finn let his hands move gently up and down Lexie’s leg, sending a shiver down her spine. His hands rested on her calf, Lexie flinched as pain shot through her from his light touch.
“I would seem so.” Finn said, smiling soberly.
He moved his hands round to the back of her leg and leant down to the main source of the pain. Closing his eyes, he softly kissed the darkest area of the bruise and raised his face to hers.
“I’ll get it fixed, I promise.”
“Where are we?”
Finn looked around him. “Somewhere safe although not for long, I thought it was better to let you rest before continuing to move. We’re deep in the forest but this place is pretty exposed if anyone comes in this far.”
“We have to move again?” There was a tone of panic in Lexie’s voice, her mind concentrating on blocking out the ever throbbing pain from her leg.
Finn sighed and looked at her again. “I’ll carry you.”
Lexie let out a small laugh. “There’s no way you can do that this far in.”
“Well, it’s not like we have many other options.”
“Yes we do.” Lexie said. “You could leave me behind.”
Finn rolled his eyes. “Now why would you even suggest an option like that? You know I would rather die first.”
“There you go being all melodramatic again.”
“And your suggestion wasn’t?” Finn sighed and wiped a stray hair from Lexie’s face.
“We are both going to get out of here together, we will be safe and never have to worry about it again.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you be so optimistic.”
Finn smiled. “We are so close to the border I can smell the freedom.”
“And them?” Lexie asked. “How close are we to that?”
“I doubt they stopped to rest just because we did, which means you can bet we’ve lost our head start.”
“We had a head start?”
Finn laughed and kissed Lexie’s forehead. “We gained some ground when we had the truck.”
Lexie sighed. “This is not how I imagined this summer holiday to pan out.”
“I guess you’re just too good for a simple holiday.”
“You were the one who did the work, Doctor Finn.”
“I would never have considered it if you hadn’t encouraged me.”
Lexie stared at her hands. “They were all so hurt. I couldn’t stand it.” She raised her eyes to his, a coy smile on her face. “At least there are people alive because of it.”
“It makes it almost worth it.” Finn smiled back, resting his forehead on hers.
Lexie rested against Finn’s head and closed her eyes, soaking in the momentary contentment that resonated between the two of them. A flash of a wooden board striking across her face shot into her mind, she opened her eyes and drew away, tears forming at her eyes.
“I feel so foolish.” She said. “I should never have trusted him.”
“You trust everyone.”
“I know, that’s what makes me a fool.”
“That’s what makes you Lexie. I wouldn’t have you any other way.”
Lexie's hand reached to Finn's face, her fingertips tracing the lines she knew off by heart of her husbands face.
"I have a confession to make." She said.
"What's that?"
"I'm not feeling as hopeful as you."
Finn clenched his jaw and cupped Lexie's chin with his finger, he held her gaze, ensuring he had every bit of her attention.
"Don't give up Lex, I promise you I will get you out of here, if it's the last thing I do."
Lexie pushed her lips against Finn's in response, a single tear fell down her face as she closed her eyes. Finn threaded his hands through her hair, drawing her closer to him. Despite Lexie's limited movement, both bodies merged together the way they had so many times before, a perfect fit, designed flawlessly for each other. They drew apart and Finn kissed her cheek and forehead before bringing her head to his chest and wrapping his arms around her. Lexie buried her face into his grubby shirt and held on tight like her life depended on it.
A shout sounded from far away and Finn turned, his arms spread across Lexie’s front and his ears strained for the next sound. They both stayed perfectly still, neither one moving even a centimetre for fear of being heard. It felt like they had stayed that way for hours until they heard another shout, it was short and impossible to decipher but it was enough for Finn. He whipped back round to Lexie and scooped her up in his arms. Before she could argue he was out of the small, one room shack and diving behind the nearest tree. There he placed Lexie on the ground and covered every part of her he could with his body. The greenery around them obstructed them from any clear view beyond the tree. Lexie placed her hand over her mouth to limit the sound her breathing made, Finn placed his hand around her head and drew her to his chest holding her as close to him as he could.
She clung on to him there, not daring to move a single millimetre. She could feel Finn’s body as tense as anything as he crouched over her, poised and ready for whoever would turn up. Lexie breathed in her husband’s smell, even now, after running for two days and being stuck in a shack that smelt like a sewage system for a whole night, he still smelt like her Finn. It was a smell she knew instinctively; musky, with a small tinge of the cologne he had been using since they were 17. She breathed it in, wanting to take in as much as was possible, as if it would be the last time she would ever be able to do it.
Everything around them had gone silent, not a single leaf seemed to move and no birds could be heard overhead.
“Finn?” Lexie whispered, but Finn shot his finger to her lips, stopping her from saying another word, his eyes peeled beyond the bush.
After a couple of minutes, he pulled his eyes away from the forest and rested them on Lexie’s. Lexie smiled, for a moment she forgot everything, all she could see was him. He smiled back and shifted himself so that he was sitting on the ground with Lexie crawled up on his lap. Neither person spoke or did anything to draw attention to where they were; instead they sat, holding each other’s gaze as if it was the most important thing in the world.
A dark shadow covered them both, interrupting their moment of silence. Finn’s eyes shot up to the source of the shadow, just behind Lexie. Lexie opened her mouth to ask what it was but felt two hands grab her round her waist and pull her away from him.
Finn protested, holding on tight to Lexie for as long as he could but another figure appeared behind him and kicked him squarely in the face. Finn’s grasp was lost from around Lexie’s waist and he fell backwards, consciousness lost. Lexie yelled out for him, praying that he would answer, but his eyes didn’t open and he didn’t respond.
The arms around Lexie’s waist pulled her backwards, out of their hidden spot and threw her into the clearing. She let out a scream as she landed while swallowing down the vomit that threatening to escape her throat.
“Oh do shut up Lex.” The voice was deep and so familiar to Lexie by now that she knew instantly who it was.
She blinked back the tears trying to escape and took deep breaths to control the pain. She had promised herself the last time she saw this man she would never let him see her cry again.
“Just leave us alone Adam.” She spoke out eventually, once she was sure she could keep her voice under control.
Adam walked into her line of sight and crouched down opposite her, lifting her chin to match her gaze with his.
“Now why would I want to do that?” He said. “You have been far too lovely to me to ever warrant such a disgusting level of ingratitude.”
“I’m pretty sure kicking the consciousness out of my husband is not gratitude.”
“In my defence, that was not me.” His eyes shot to the third person in the clearing, a small teenage boy, no older than 16. “Silly Michael, you can’t take him anywhere.”
Michael sneered at this and rolled his eyes, taking a seat on the low tree branch that was now hiding Finn from Lexie’s view.
“How could I have ever trusted you?”
“Because I was nice to you.” Adam smiled. “And I never gave you any cause not to.”
Lexie’s face pulled into a sneer, with every level of hatred she could possibly muster she spat into Adam’s face and punched him full across the jaw. Adam’s face moved with the momentum of it but the rest of him stayed perfectly still. He kept his head turned away from her, a look of annoyance on his face and slowly he lifted his hand to his cheek and wiped the spit away. Once he was sure it had all gone his eyes shot back to Lexie, his teeth gritted together and a small growl rumbling at the base of his throat.
“Are you quite done?” He said.
“I haven’t even started.”
Adam laughed at that and grabbed the back of Lexie’s neck, kissing her on the forehead.
“I always loved your passion Lex.”
“You haven’t known me long enough to ‘always’ love anything about me.”
“Well that’s simply not true.” Adam said, his face inches from hers. “I always knew I would kill you as well.”
A crash, followed by the sound of bones breaking, sounded behind Lexie. She twisted her body round to find Michael gone. Panic shot through her as she wondered where he had got to and which of Finn’s bones he had broken. A body immerged out from behind the bush, except it wasn’t Michael, it was Finn. He leapt over the branch and Lexie in one jump, landing on Adam and pinning him to the ground. Adam’s legs kicked out and hit Lexie in the head, knocking her to the ground. Her body lay turned away from the fight, consciousness threatening to leave her at any second. She breathed deeply, trying with all her might to concentrate on what was happening behind her while working out how to move her body to see.
Grunts and shouts were heard, as well as punches and kicks. Lexie propped herself up on her arms, not caring at all about the pain it caused her to do so. She focused all her attention on turning round but before she could she heard a sound she never wanted to hear again. It was a gunshot. Lexie stayed perfectly still, too terrified to turn around. She didn’t need to however as the weight of a body fell onto her lap, weighing down on her broken leg.
With a deep sense of foreboding, she let her eyes fall onto the body which lay face down on her legs, his arms stretched protectively over her lap. She let out a haggard breath as her shaking hand reached down to his long shaggy hair. Her fingers taking in the sensation as her hands ran through the strands. He didn’t move this time, his body didn’t respond to her touch the way it had done so many times before. She bit her lip and stifled a sob desperately trying to escape her lips.
“Finn?” She whispered.
Nothing.
“Finn?” She said it louder this time.
His body stayed perfectly still.
“Finn!” She cried out, moving her arms to his shoulders and shaking him with all her might.
She pushed on his shoulder, moving him round to his back. He fell back onto her lower legs, landing on her broken bone. Somewhere in the deep resonances of her mind she was shocked at the lack of pain she felt because of it. The rest of her however, just stared incredulously at her soul mate. He lay there heavily, his unseeing eyes half open and gazing just beyond her, his body still, too still. She could feel her breath becoming uneven as she continued to stare at him, a panic rose from deep within her at the thought of what this one moment meant for her, what a life without the man she was destined to be with would be like. Her hand shot down to his shirt and clutched hold of it, her face lowered down so that her mouth was at his ear.
“You promised me.” She whispered, allowing the fresh tears to fall down her face.
“But it’s okay. I’ll see you soon baby.”
With that she straightened her body and turned to face her husband’s killer. She smiled sadly as she saw Adam standing over them both, his face murderous. He returned her smile and raised his gun to her face. Lexie heard the gun cock and closed her eyes, a picture of Finn on her mind as her life disappeared from her.
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Let Her Sleep
To all who had seen her, she shone beauty and grace in her every move. In all she was, she represented the good and kind of this world. She was the hope of the country, the innocence, the peace that would hold it together, she was the future; she was a lie.
Sila paced her modest room impatiently, urging her mind to think of something to prevent what was about to happen. She drew a blank; there was nothing in her left to give. She thought she had it, she thought she had created the perfect plan, almost 16 years ago she had created a curse that should have been fool proof, now she doubted it would ever work.
Those damned women! They had her well trained, they had the world well fooled, Sila was the only one that saw through them and their monstrous creation and tonight was the only open window she had to save the lives of everyone she protected.
Her eyes fell on the needle in front of her, the needle that could change everything and all it would do was put her to sleep. The perfect princess; the mortal who couldn’t die. Angrily she turned and cursed loudly, how could no one find it strange? A normal innocent princess who was unable to die, whose biggest threat was to sleep for a long period of time. Why had no one picked up on that? Then again those witches were powerful, they had made it seem like it was their doing that had kept her from death tonight, that Sila had intended on killing her and they had saved her life. If Sila could kill her, she would have done in that cradle at her birth, why could no one see that their sweet little princess was too powerful for that?
A chime sounded through the trees followed by another. Sila turned and counted them, eleven. She had an hour, panic rose in her as she carefully wrapped the needle in her enchanted cloth and placed it delicately in the pocket of her coat. Bracing herself for the outside cold she opened her front door and stepped outside into the wind of the upcoming storm. Grimly she smiled to herself, no doubt the villagers would think she was responsible for this, those women knew how set the right scene.
She walked in silence through the thick of the trees, making sure she kept herself hidden as she made her way towards their house. Her heart thumping, she turned the last corner and saw the beautiful enchanted cottage sitting undisturbed by the weather in front of her. The lights were off and the place was silent, they were expecting her. She hated that they were so smug in all of this, as if they knew that this was all a technicality and inconvenience they had to muddle through until their plans could really unfurl.
If they thought she was going in that house though, they were grossly mistaken; Sila had a few tricks up her sleeve as well. Taking out a pouch from her other pocket she muttered strong curses under her breath, drawing on magic she swore to herself she would never use, drawing on their kind of magic. She emptied out the contents of the pouch and gold powder lightly fell into her hand, and with the summon of further curses the tiny granules lifted into the air and floated towards the cottage.
Sila waited anxiously as the granules took their target, suddenly she heard screams inside the house, screams of sheer pain, she felt the wall of power as they tried to fight back, but she was ready for them, she drew on even more power and quietened their strength. Soon she felt them grow weak and then turn to nothing. With a sigh of relief she moved forward into the clearing where the cottage stood, they would be unable to do anything now for at least 48 hours. Their smug confidence had left them unprepared for just how powerful Sila had grown, she had counted on that and felt empowered that something had gone right tonight.
Sila waited in the clearing for the front door to open, the hardest part was yet to come, her highness would not respond well to her protector’s sudden incapability. She smiled at herself then as she thought of how they would be punished for being so weak when needed, one small and dim silver lining should all this fail.
Slowly the cottage door opened and out she stepped. A beautiful teenage girl with eyes of innocence and a face that held everyone’s gaze. She stood in the doorway and turned her large amber eyes onto Sila, the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.
“I can’t believe you’re still going to go through with this Sila.”
“I have to try Bella, this is my only chance.”
Bella’s smile widened as she took in Sila’s small and insignificant stance. She stayed rooted to the spot and let out a small chuckle.
“Well then, I made sure I didn’t sleep last night in preparation for this, bring it on.”
Sila felt her anger boil as she took a step forward, this was the moment she had left, the moment that would ban her from this world forever, but she could handle that if it meant keeping Bella away. She walked at a steady pace and stopped short four feet away from the princess.
“Get away from the door frame,” she snarled, “Who knows what kind of magic you have in that archway.”
Bella flashed Sila a stunning smile and happily skipped up to where she stood.
“Would you like me to shut the door as well on my way out?”
Sila winced; she could smell the magic in Bella. It flowed out of her with such a foul stench it made her nose crumple. She wasn’t going to let Bella drag this out, she said nothing in response to her sarcasm and instead held her gaze waiting for her moment.
Bella laughed again, “Are you going to stare me to death?”
Then the moment came, the bells chimed; one… two… three… Sila could feel her blood rising in anticipation as she reached into her coat pocket, four… five… six… keeping her hand hidden in her coat she started to unwrap the material, seven… eight… nine… she took and deep breath and took her turn to smile at Bella, ten… eleven… twelve…
Sila acted so quickly that even Bella couldn’t catch up with her movements, in one foul swoop she took the needle out of her pocket and drummed it straight into Bella’s heart, muttering deep curses as she did.
The wind created a whirlwind around them as Bella’s eyes widened into shock, Sila could feel the princess desperately struggling for magic of her own but she stood her ground and chanted the curses louder and louder pushing the needle further into her heart.
Bella’s eyes glazed over as she let go of the last of the magic around her, a white cloud settled over her pupils before she closed her lids and fell to the ground. Sila stood over her body stunned, it had worked, Bella was forced into unconsciousness and Sila had complete control over her body.
With a sudden jolt at the thought of the sisters in the house she picked up the sleeping princess and ran deep into the forest. Now all she had to do was to hide her somewhere no one would find her. She had spent the last 16 years debating where this place would be and had settled for the caves at the edge of the border. She ran to that place now, slowing down only when she could hear the thundering sound of the waterfall falling off the caves behind it. She ran out into the clearing and lifted herself up and over the water heading straight for the gushing waterfall.
“Wait!” A voice cried behind her, “I won’t let you hurt her!”
Sila stopped dead in her tracks, floating a few feet above the flowing river; she turned to identify the new voice and found a tall young man dressed in rich clothing and mounted on a steed. She let out a groan as she recognised the ‘noble’ young prince.
“Luke, leave, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“I’m saving the woman I love.”
“No, your not, because you’ll never find her to save her!”
Sila turned her back to him and started forward, suddenly she felt a jerk around her mid rift and found herself being thrown backwards. Clutching onto Bella with all her might she built a hedge of fire around her and surged forward breaking the hold Luke had temporarily held over her. She flew head on into the waterfall and landed softly on the other side. Panic rising in her over being seen, she started down the cave relying on her extensive memory of the place to guide her deeper into the mountain.
Once she had been running for half an hour she stopped and leaned against the cave wall, taking in deep breaths and allowing the cold wall to cool her back and arms. After a minute she could hear footsteps following the way she came.
“Impossible!” she muttered to herself, there was no way anyone would have been able to follow her in here. She would have to hide and let Luke overtake her. She moved a couple more paces in the direction she was heading, keeping her body pressed up against the wall until she found the groove she was looking for. Without a sound she gave the wall around it a small push and slipped into the passageway she had created. Closing the wall behind her she turned to find a small still pool lit up by the moonlight shining through the cracks above her. She moved to the edge of the pool and placed Bella down beside her. Placing her head in her hands she stifled overwhelming sobs that escaped her all at once. She was exhausted, she had done what she had set out to do 16 years ago but now she had to keep Bella there.
With a jolt Sila turned around suddenly as she heard the wall move behind her. She watched the doorway open and Luke walk through, his eye’s burning holes into hers.
“Her aunts warned me you’d try this,” he scowled, “they made sure I’d be prepared for tracking you down.”
“I beg you Luke,” Sila cried at the simple young prince, “leave here, pretend you never saw me! I really don’t want to have to kill you!”
“And leave you with Bella? Never!”
“Luke, you don’t understand! You can’t have her, not if you want this world to carry on the way it is! She has to stay here with me now, please understand she’s too dangerous to be out there!”
Luke let out a deep bellow that reverberated off the cave walls, “Bella? Dangerous? She is the sweetest girl I have ever met; the only difference she’ll make by being alive is to make this world better!”
Sila could feel the panic rising at this inconvenience in front of her, normally she would have just tossed him to one side, one death to save many, but she could feel the witches power set in him. They had tooled him up to kill her and save his princess and Sila knew they wouldn’t have done it half heartedly.
With an almighty resolution, she held out her hands and shot forward all her strength in one big force, knocking Luke off his feet and smashing him into the wall. Letting out a groan he slid down and landed in a crumpled heap. Sila felt herself fall backwards with exhaustion and landed next to Bella, her head light and black spots forming in front of her eyes. Why she had used all her power she didn’t know, now she was weak and in essence defenceless. She scowled at herself and prayed deeply that Luke was at least rendered unconscious by that blow.
No such luck; Luke groaned again and forced himself up into a stand, using the wall behind him as an aid. Ridden with frustration Sila turned to the young prince, herself to weak to stand. Desperation was her only tool now.
“Luke, you have to understand what’s going on,” she muttered weakly, “If you let her go tonight then you will regret it, I guarantee you that. If she were to marry you, she would be the most powerful woman in the world and she will use that. She will hurt and terrorise and there will be no stopping her.”
Luke said nothing, instead he moved towards her slowly, turning only to spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor beside him. His face was set as thunder and his eyes screamed bloody murder at the frail witch.
“Please Luke! Listen to me, you have it all wrong! Please understand you can’t set this girl free!”
Luke reached Sila and drew his sword out of its sheath; he crouched down in front of her and placed the sword at her neck.
“From the moment Bella was born, you have been overtaken with jealousy Sila, you have been spreading lies to slander her name but we’ve just ignored you, why on earth would you think I’d believe you now?”
“I don’t for one moment think you’ll believe me Luke,” Sila said softly, tears forming in her eyes, “But I had to try something, I will never stop trying, it would kill me if I saw this proved right.”
Luke let out a soft chuckle, “Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, you won’t be alive for much longer to see anything.”
Sila reached into her body to find any more magic she may have left in her, she had two choices left ahead of her, she could somehow find a way to convince Luke of Bella’s evil nature and break this spell of ‘love’ she had over him or if she could find the magic, she could shield Bella from any touch but hers, rendering him useless to her wake.
Searching desperately Sila found the little magic she had left and began the necessary spells to manipulate it to how it should be done. Suddenly she felt a resistance and Luke’s hand shot out around her neck, choking her menacingly.
“Bella’s aunts warned me you may try this,” He snarled, “They equipped me very well to deal with it. You won’t be able to use your magic Sila, so don’t even try.”
Sila’s hope failed in her, she let go of the magic and in return felt Luke’s grip loosen. She had nothing left to give and she was too tired to do anything to fight Luke off. Instead she grabbed Luke’s shirt and pulled herself up to his ear.
“I tried,” She whispered, “When everything fails around you, when she takes control, at least you will know that I tried to stop it.”
Letting go of Luke’s shirt she took the remainder of her strength and grabbed hold of the hand he had gripped to the sword near her neck. She pulled the sword towards her and sliced it through her throat. Pain washed over her as she gasped for air and tried to find a way to go back on what she had done, but there wasn’t a way, instead, she fell limp in Luke’s hold, no life left in her.
Luke stared dazed and confused at the lifeless body in front of him, what had just happened? In all of the ways he had imagined this fight going, he had never assumed she would take her own life. She must have truly convinced herself of the lies about Bella.
Suddenly his mind sharpened, “Bella” He muttered. Dropping Sila to the floor he turned to the beautiful enchantress sleeping so peacefully in front of him. How could anyone think a single bad word against that face? Her every deed had been good and pure. Deep love washed over him and he stared at his angel, slowly he leaned over her so his face hovered over hers. Her aunts had explained everything so simply should this happen; all he had to do was kiss her with all the love he had inside of him for her. Then she would awake and they would live happily ever after.
He bent down further and touched his lips softly against hers, pouring his love into her with all of his heart. At first there was nothing, but then he could feel magic forming over their kiss, he could feel life flowing from him into her. All the magic that he had been given by her aunts drained from him into her. Something didn’t seem right; it felt too painful for this to be as he thought it would. He tried to pull away but the magic had hold of him, she had hold of him. Panic forming inside of him, he pushed against her with all his strength, finally the magic ceased its hold and he was released.
Luke fell backwards with the momentum and stared, confused at the now stirring body. Bella’s eyes fluttered open and daintily she sat up rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She looked at him and her sweet smile started to form around her lips.
“Oh my love, you saved me from the wretched witch,” she almost sang, “How can I ever repay you?”
At the sound of her voice all uncertainty drained out of Luke and he reached out for her hand, love and devotion replacing all the places doubt had been.
“My sweet,” he said softly, “All I want from you is your hand in marriage, your love and to forever be yours.”
Bella’s eyes sparkled with excitement and she threw her arms around him, “Oh my darling, I accept! With all my heart, I accept!”
Luke placed his arms around Bella and, holding her firmly, carried her to the cave door. He scolded himself for ever doubting his love, how could he have been so untrusting?
“My love,” Bella murmured sweetly into Luke’s ear, “I should like to say goodbye to the evil witch who tried to kill me.”
Luke looked at her in confusion, “Why would you want to do that?”
“I could never forgive myself if I didn’t make things right with her before we leave, and although her body maybe lifeless, I believe that somehow she will hear me.”
Luke gazed in loving amazement at this perfect creature in his arms. Was there no end to her goodness? “Of course you shall say goodbye,” he declared, “if it will help you, though she does not deserve it!”
He placed her on her feet and began to lead her back towards the pool, though he felt resistance from her, he turned to face his fiancée who had placed her huge amber eyes at full force on him.
“I must do this alone my darling,” She whispered. Concern flowed over Luke’s features, “I will be ok, she can do me no harm now.”
Reluctantly, Luke let go of Bella’s hand and kissed her lightly on the cheek, “If you’re sure,” he whispered in her ear hoping for her to change her mind.
“I am,” she answered, and with that he walked to the door and closed it lightly behind him.
Bella turned to the lifeless body of Sila by the pool, every part of her turned rigid with rage, she flew down to where she lay and landed in a crouch over her, one leg on each side.
“You bitch,” She sneered, “You really thought you could stop me?” With boiling anger she picked up Sila’s body and grabbed hold of her head. In one foul swoop she tore the head clear off her body and threw the remains against the wall at the other side of the pool. Composing herself she turned and headed back towards the door. Sila’s body, now in two halves, slid their way into the pool and sank down to the bottom, lost forever.
Sila paced her modest room impatiently, urging her mind to think of something to prevent what was about to happen. She drew a blank; there was nothing in her left to give. She thought she had it, she thought she had created the perfect plan, almost 16 years ago she had created a curse that should have been fool proof, now she doubted it would ever work.
Those damned women! They had her well trained, they had the world well fooled, Sila was the only one that saw through them and their monstrous creation and tonight was the only open window she had to save the lives of everyone she protected.
Her eyes fell on the needle in front of her, the needle that could change everything and all it would do was put her to sleep. The perfect princess; the mortal who couldn’t die. Angrily she turned and cursed loudly, how could no one find it strange? A normal innocent princess who was unable to die, whose biggest threat was to sleep for a long period of time. Why had no one picked up on that? Then again those witches were powerful, they had made it seem like it was their doing that had kept her from death tonight, that Sila had intended on killing her and they had saved her life. If Sila could kill her, she would have done in that cradle at her birth, why could no one see that their sweet little princess was too powerful for that?
A chime sounded through the trees followed by another. Sila turned and counted them, eleven. She had an hour, panic rose in her as she carefully wrapped the needle in her enchanted cloth and placed it delicately in the pocket of her coat. Bracing herself for the outside cold she opened her front door and stepped outside into the wind of the upcoming storm. Grimly she smiled to herself, no doubt the villagers would think she was responsible for this, those women knew how set the right scene.
She walked in silence through the thick of the trees, making sure she kept herself hidden as she made her way towards their house. Her heart thumping, she turned the last corner and saw the beautiful enchanted cottage sitting undisturbed by the weather in front of her. The lights were off and the place was silent, they were expecting her. She hated that they were so smug in all of this, as if they knew that this was all a technicality and inconvenience they had to muddle through until their plans could really unfurl.
If they thought she was going in that house though, they were grossly mistaken; Sila had a few tricks up her sleeve as well. Taking out a pouch from her other pocket she muttered strong curses under her breath, drawing on magic she swore to herself she would never use, drawing on their kind of magic. She emptied out the contents of the pouch and gold powder lightly fell into her hand, and with the summon of further curses the tiny granules lifted into the air and floated towards the cottage.
Sila waited anxiously as the granules took their target, suddenly she heard screams inside the house, screams of sheer pain, she felt the wall of power as they tried to fight back, but she was ready for them, she drew on even more power and quietened their strength. Soon she felt them grow weak and then turn to nothing. With a sigh of relief she moved forward into the clearing where the cottage stood, they would be unable to do anything now for at least 48 hours. Their smug confidence had left them unprepared for just how powerful Sila had grown, she had counted on that and felt empowered that something had gone right tonight.
Sila waited in the clearing for the front door to open, the hardest part was yet to come, her highness would not respond well to her protector’s sudden incapability. She smiled at herself then as she thought of how they would be punished for being so weak when needed, one small and dim silver lining should all this fail.
Slowly the cottage door opened and out she stepped. A beautiful teenage girl with eyes of innocence and a face that held everyone’s gaze. She stood in the doorway and turned her large amber eyes onto Sila, the corners of her mouth turned up into a smile.
“I can’t believe you’re still going to go through with this Sila.”
“I have to try Bella, this is my only chance.”
Bella’s smile widened as she took in Sila’s small and insignificant stance. She stayed rooted to the spot and let out a small chuckle.
“Well then, I made sure I didn’t sleep last night in preparation for this, bring it on.”
Sila felt her anger boil as she took a step forward, this was the moment she had left, the moment that would ban her from this world forever, but she could handle that if it meant keeping Bella away. She walked at a steady pace and stopped short four feet away from the princess.
“Get away from the door frame,” she snarled, “Who knows what kind of magic you have in that archway.”
Bella flashed Sila a stunning smile and happily skipped up to where she stood.
“Would you like me to shut the door as well on my way out?”
Sila winced; she could smell the magic in Bella. It flowed out of her with such a foul stench it made her nose crumple. She wasn’t going to let Bella drag this out, she said nothing in response to her sarcasm and instead held her gaze waiting for her moment.
Bella laughed again, “Are you going to stare me to death?”
Then the moment came, the bells chimed; one… two… three… Sila could feel her blood rising in anticipation as she reached into her coat pocket, four… five… six… keeping her hand hidden in her coat she started to unwrap the material, seven… eight… nine… she took and deep breath and took her turn to smile at Bella, ten… eleven… twelve…
Sila acted so quickly that even Bella couldn’t catch up with her movements, in one foul swoop she took the needle out of her pocket and drummed it straight into Bella’s heart, muttering deep curses as she did.
The wind created a whirlwind around them as Bella’s eyes widened into shock, Sila could feel the princess desperately struggling for magic of her own but she stood her ground and chanted the curses louder and louder pushing the needle further into her heart.
Bella’s eyes glazed over as she let go of the last of the magic around her, a white cloud settled over her pupils before she closed her lids and fell to the ground. Sila stood over her body stunned, it had worked, Bella was forced into unconsciousness and Sila had complete control over her body.
With a sudden jolt at the thought of the sisters in the house she picked up the sleeping princess and ran deep into the forest. Now all she had to do was to hide her somewhere no one would find her. She had spent the last 16 years debating where this place would be and had settled for the caves at the edge of the border. She ran to that place now, slowing down only when she could hear the thundering sound of the waterfall falling off the caves behind it. She ran out into the clearing and lifted herself up and over the water heading straight for the gushing waterfall.
“Wait!” A voice cried behind her, “I won’t let you hurt her!”
Sila stopped dead in her tracks, floating a few feet above the flowing river; she turned to identify the new voice and found a tall young man dressed in rich clothing and mounted on a steed. She let out a groan as she recognised the ‘noble’ young prince.
“Luke, leave, you don’t know what you’re doing.”
“I’m saving the woman I love.”
“No, your not, because you’ll never find her to save her!”
Sila turned her back to him and started forward, suddenly she felt a jerk around her mid rift and found herself being thrown backwards. Clutching onto Bella with all her might she built a hedge of fire around her and surged forward breaking the hold Luke had temporarily held over her. She flew head on into the waterfall and landed softly on the other side. Panic rising in her over being seen, she started down the cave relying on her extensive memory of the place to guide her deeper into the mountain.
Once she had been running for half an hour she stopped and leaned against the cave wall, taking in deep breaths and allowing the cold wall to cool her back and arms. After a minute she could hear footsteps following the way she came.
“Impossible!” she muttered to herself, there was no way anyone would have been able to follow her in here. She would have to hide and let Luke overtake her. She moved a couple more paces in the direction she was heading, keeping her body pressed up against the wall until she found the groove she was looking for. Without a sound she gave the wall around it a small push and slipped into the passageway she had created. Closing the wall behind her she turned to find a small still pool lit up by the moonlight shining through the cracks above her. She moved to the edge of the pool and placed Bella down beside her. Placing her head in her hands she stifled overwhelming sobs that escaped her all at once. She was exhausted, she had done what she had set out to do 16 years ago but now she had to keep Bella there.
With a jolt Sila turned around suddenly as she heard the wall move behind her. She watched the doorway open and Luke walk through, his eye’s burning holes into hers.
“Her aunts warned me you’d try this,” he scowled, “they made sure I’d be prepared for tracking you down.”
“I beg you Luke,” Sila cried at the simple young prince, “leave here, pretend you never saw me! I really don’t want to have to kill you!”
“And leave you with Bella? Never!”
“Luke, you don’t understand! You can’t have her, not if you want this world to carry on the way it is! She has to stay here with me now, please understand she’s too dangerous to be out there!”
Luke let out a deep bellow that reverberated off the cave walls, “Bella? Dangerous? She is the sweetest girl I have ever met; the only difference she’ll make by being alive is to make this world better!”
Sila could feel the panic rising at this inconvenience in front of her, normally she would have just tossed him to one side, one death to save many, but she could feel the witches power set in him. They had tooled him up to kill her and save his princess and Sila knew they wouldn’t have done it half heartedly.
With an almighty resolution, she held out her hands and shot forward all her strength in one big force, knocking Luke off his feet and smashing him into the wall. Letting out a groan he slid down and landed in a crumpled heap. Sila felt herself fall backwards with exhaustion and landed next to Bella, her head light and black spots forming in front of her eyes. Why she had used all her power she didn’t know, now she was weak and in essence defenceless. She scowled at herself and prayed deeply that Luke was at least rendered unconscious by that blow.
No such luck; Luke groaned again and forced himself up into a stand, using the wall behind him as an aid. Ridden with frustration Sila turned to the young prince, herself to weak to stand. Desperation was her only tool now.
“Luke, you have to understand what’s going on,” she muttered weakly, “If you let her go tonight then you will regret it, I guarantee you that. If she were to marry you, she would be the most powerful woman in the world and she will use that. She will hurt and terrorise and there will be no stopping her.”
Luke said nothing, instead he moved towards her slowly, turning only to spit a mouthful of blood onto the floor beside him. His face was set as thunder and his eyes screamed bloody murder at the frail witch.
“Please Luke! Listen to me, you have it all wrong! Please understand you can’t set this girl free!”
Luke reached Sila and drew his sword out of its sheath; he crouched down in front of her and placed the sword at her neck.
“From the moment Bella was born, you have been overtaken with jealousy Sila, you have been spreading lies to slander her name but we’ve just ignored you, why on earth would you think I’d believe you now?”
“I don’t for one moment think you’ll believe me Luke,” Sila said softly, tears forming in her eyes, “But I had to try something, I will never stop trying, it would kill me if I saw this proved right.”
Luke let out a soft chuckle, “Oh I wouldn’t worry about that, you won’t be alive for much longer to see anything.”
Sila reached into her body to find any more magic she may have left in her, she had two choices left ahead of her, she could somehow find a way to convince Luke of Bella’s evil nature and break this spell of ‘love’ she had over him or if she could find the magic, she could shield Bella from any touch but hers, rendering him useless to her wake.
Searching desperately Sila found the little magic she had left and began the necessary spells to manipulate it to how it should be done. Suddenly she felt a resistance and Luke’s hand shot out around her neck, choking her menacingly.
“Bella’s aunts warned me you may try this,” He snarled, “They equipped me very well to deal with it. You won’t be able to use your magic Sila, so don’t even try.”
Sila’s hope failed in her, she let go of the magic and in return felt Luke’s grip loosen. She had nothing left to give and she was too tired to do anything to fight Luke off. Instead she grabbed Luke’s shirt and pulled herself up to his ear.
“I tried,” She whispered, “When everything fails around you, when she takes control, at least you will know that I tried to stop it.”
Letting go of Luke’s shirt she took the remainder of her strength and grabbed hold of the hand he had gripped to the sword near her neck. She pulled the sword towards her and sliced it through her throat. Pain washed over her as she gasped for air and tried to find a way to go back on what she had done, but there wasn’t a way, instead, she fell limp in Luke’s hold, no life left in her.
Luke stared dazed and confused at the lifeless body in front of him, what had just happened? In all of the ways he had imagined this fight going, he had never assumed she would take her own life. She must have truly convinced herself of the lies about Bella.
Suddenly his mind sharpened, “Bella” He muttered. Dropping Sila to the floor he turned to the beautiful enchantress sleeping so peacefully in front of him. How could anyone think a single bad word against that face? Her every deed had been good and pure. Deep love washed over him and he stared at his angel, slowly he leaned over her so his face hovered over hers. Her aunts had explained everything so simply should this happen; all he had to do was kiss her with all the love he had inside of him for her. Then she would awake and they would live happily ever after.
He bent down further and touched his lips softly against hers, pouring his love into her with all of his heart. At first there was nothing, but then he could feel magic forming over their kiss, he could feel life flowing from him into her. All the magic that he had been given by her aunts drained from him into her. Something didn’t seem right; it felt too painful for this to be as he thought it would. He tried to pull away but the magic had hold of him, she had hold of him. Panic forming inside of him, he pushed against her with all his strength, finally the magic ceased its hold and he was released.
Luke fell backwards with the momentum and stared, confused at the now stirring body. Bella’s eyes fluttered open and daintily she sat up rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. She looked at him and her sweet smile started to form around her lips.
“Oh my love, you saved me from the wretched witch,” she almost sang, “How can I ever repay you?”
At the sound of her voice all uncertainty drained out of Luke and he reached out for her hand, love and devotion replacing all the places doubt had been.
“My sweet,” he said softly, “All I want from you is your hand in marriage, your love and to forever be yours.”
Bella’s eyes sparkled with excitement and she threw her arms around him, “Oh my darling, I accept! With all my heart, I accept!”
Luke placed his arms around Bella and, holding her firmly, carried her to the cave door. He scolded himself for ever doubting his love, how could he have been so untrusting?
“My love,” Bella murmured sweetly into Luke’s ear, “I should like to say goodbye to the evil witch who tried to kill me.”
Luke looked at her in confusion, “Why would you want to do that?”
“I could never forgive myself if I didn’t make things right with her before we leave, and although her body maybe lifeless, I believe that somehow she will hear me.”
Luke gazed in loving amazement at this perfect creature in his arms. Was there no end to her goodness? “Of course you shall say goodbye,” he declared, “if it will help you, though she does not deserve it!”
He placed her on her feet and began to lead her back towards the pool, though he felt resistance from her, he turned to face his fiancée who had placed her huge amber eyes at full force on him.
“I must do this alone my darling,” She whispered. Concern flowed over Luke’s features, “I will be ok, she can do me no harm now.”
Reluctantly, Luke let go of Bella’s hand and kissed her lightly on the cheek, “If you’re sure,” he whispered in her ear hoping for her to change her mind.
“I am,” she answered, and with that he walked to the door and closed it lightly behind him.
Bella turned to the lifeless body of Sila by the pool, every part of her turned rigid with rage, she flew down to where she lay and landed in a crouch over her, one leg on each side.
“You bitch,” She sneered, “You really thought you could stop me?” With boiling anger she picked up Sila’s body and grabbed hold of her head. In one foul swoop she tore the head clear off her body and threw the remains against the wall at the other side of the pool. Composing herself she turned and headed back towards the door. Sila’s body, now in two halves, slid their way into the pool and sank down to the bottom, lost forever.
Saturday, 17 April 2010
The Dark Side of the Moon
Grace sat on the wooden bench on the far side of the tiny park and let the melodies escaping out of the concert hall wave over her. The theme of the night was film music, as it had been for the past four nights. All of her favourite composers had been played: Horner, Marianelli, Silvestri, Williams and Zimmer. She closed her eyes as a single violin started in on a new piece and sighed, content, imagining the violinist gliding through the notes and allowing the power and passion of the music to take over his body.
Tom saw Grace on the bench, wearing the smallest of smiles and looking calmer than he had seen her in months. Where else would she have been but here? He walked over to the bench and sat down on its cold surface, letting out a breath that was snatched from him by the cold air and transformed into a cloud of mist before emptying away into nothing.
“It’s cold.” He murmured.
“It is,” she replied, her eyes shut and her hand gently moving with the music.
“You know you’re only wearing a T shirt and shorts right?”
“I do.” Grace smiled, her face smooth, a picture of peace.
“Ok, just checking.” Tom replied, closing his eyes and assuming the position Grace held. “So what are we listening to?”
“The main theme from Schindler’s List and yet another classic from John Williams.”
The violin picked up the pace as the piece took a new turn, adding in complex frames and flourishes to the main theme in a breathtaking crescendo. Grace moaned pleasantly as the hairs on her bare arms rose to a stand.
“It’s beautiful, I’ll give you that.” Tom admitted.
“It’s beautiful the first time you hear it, after that the beauty grows and grows until it’s impossible to listen to without it taking over every mood and element of your body.”
Tom smiled; it was just like Grace to be overcome by a piece of wood and a string of horse tail like that.
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Why don’t you do that Tom.” She agreed, “Then with any luck you’d have lived your life knowing every thing without having felt anything at all.”
“I guess music just isn’t my thing.”
“Nonsense, music is everyone’s thing. You either love it or are too proud to love it.”
Tom snorted and looked at her incredulously. “I’m sorry, but did you actually call me proud? Me?”
The music died down to a finish and Grace pushed herself up on the bench, reaching inside her bag for a cigarette.
“Interval. Twenty minutes to wait for the rich folk to down their Margaritas.”
“Don’t dodge the subject. How am I proud?”
“I don’t make the rules Tom. Its how understanding of music works.”
Grace took out one of her Silk Cut’s and lit it, taking a long drag of it.
“I’m pretty sure that in this scenario Grace, you made the rules.”
Grace sniffed and took another drag before searching in her bag once again and pulling out a chocolate bar.
“So why are you here Tom?”
“Is it not allowed for me to want to spend time with you every now and then?”
She shook her head, “You have an ulterior motive. I can see your nervous body twitching.”
Tom sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The woman had barely looked sideways at him twice and she was already picking up on his body movements.
“I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.”
“But are you OK?”
“Yes.”
“It’s just you haven’t been yourself.”
“I know. I’m fine.”
“Are you lying?”
“Yes but don’t push it.”
Tom looked at her, his eyes boring into the side of her face as she concentrated on opening her chocolate bar. He wished more than anything that he could take that pain she had held in her eyes for the past three weeks and throw it away. He couldn’t and she would never admit to having it so he could only do what he was used to doing with her; ignoring it until it was so bad she had to share it with him.
“The moon’s full tonight,” she offered to the uncomfortable silence.
“Yeah.” Tom agreed, turning to face the sky. “It tends to get that way once a month.”
“You ever wondered how weird that is?” She asked.
“I think we’ve got enough science to back it up.”
Grace rolled her eyes, “I mean how weird it is that the moon is always there, always full and yet we don’t always see it. For most of the month it gets to hide itself away and even when we see it as it is now we think it’s full but its not. There’s a whole other side it gets to hide away and no one even thinks about it.”
“Until we figured out how to walk on it.”
Grace kicked the ground stubbornly, “Don’t get me started on that.”
Tom laughed, “I thought you liked the idea of space travel.”
“Well today I don’t.” Grace answered wearing the smallest hint of a smile, “A girl can change her mind, isn’t that what they always say?”
“I believe so.”
Grace turned to Tom and took his hands in hers, stroking his palm with her tiny fingers.
“It’s all a load of rubbish anyway.”
“What is?” Tom smiled, amazed at her warm skin despite the freezing cold air.
“Any idea that’s not my own.” She smiled, turning her eyes onto his and wearing the cheekiest of grins. “You know I know everything.”
“Of course, and what was it you said once? Oh yeah. ’You should come up with the ideas and everyone else should just stop thinking.’”
Grace moved closer to Tom and pulled his arms around her, her face inches from his own.
“Except for you. You can think all you want”
Tom rose in eyebrows in mock surprise, “Really?”
“Well of course!” she smiled devilishly, “How else can I tell you what you say is a load of rubbish?”
She leaned in and drew Tom into a kiss, wrapping her fingers in his hair and throwing all her will into it. Tom responded, he had missed this intimacy from his girlfriend for so long and he wasn’t going to miss a single moment of it now.
Grace was the one to break it; she drew away with almost as much urgency as she started and rested her head lightly on his chest, throwing her legs on the bench and nestling into his arms.
“Turns out I am a little cold.” She murmured into the night air, her words confirmed by the mist created by them.
Tom wrapped his arms tighter around her and rested his lips on the top of her head.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I know.” She whispered back, “I love you too.”
“You know work’s been a little different without you around.” Tom continued, choosing his words carefully so as not to say anything that might upset her mood. “A lot of people have been asking after you.”
“Like who?” Grace asked?
“Tracy and Mike, Catherine is always asking.”
Grace smiled, “Tracy and Mike are just annoyed they can’t double date at the moment. If they’re that bored with each other why be together at all?” She gave Tom’s knee a light squeeze almost in reassurance. “Catherine’s lovely though. I miss her. Tell me about work, what have I missed?”
Tom ran his hand through Graces hair methodically as he started up on the day to day accounts of work at the tiny offices where they made the local paper. Grace lay there, watching the moon as she let his words flow over her while mingling them in with her own thoughts. They stayed that way for at least five minutes until Tom’s stories ceased and his voice trailed into silence.
Tom sat then and watched Graces shoulders move slowly with her breathing. She was so beautiful. In that moment he was happy, happier than he had been in a long time. Maybe now things were going to be ok. The price to pay to be with this beautiful woman was her ‘moments’ as she liked to call them. Moments when she would be so far away it was impossible to reach her, but she always came back, and when she did it was amazing.
“You know what’s weird?” She spoke after a couple of minutes had gone by.
“What?” Tom asked lazily.
“The phrase ‘Not for all the tea in China.’”
Tom bellowed out a huge laugh and Grace sat up shaking her head at his response.
“I mean think about it!” she urged, “Why does China have a lot of tea all of a sudden? And if so then how much tea is there is China? I mean, maybe I’m just stupid but I thought it was our country that was famous for the tea drinking. Surely the phrase should be ‘Not for all the tea in England,’ if it’s going to exist at all.”
“I don’t think it’s just us that drink tea.” Tom offered, calming himself down. “I get the feeling that if you were to go to China, you would find there is a lot of tea drinking there as well.”
“Well it’s still stupid,” she pouted, “who would want that much tea anyway? If someone were to ask me to do something I wouldn’t use billions of tea bags as my example of the highest price they could offer me. I’d prefer the money spent on those teabags instead if anything.”
“Somehow I don’t think, ‘Not for all the money you would spend on the all the tea in China’ works as well.”
“Well it doesn’t stop it from being a stupid saying.”
Tom chuckled, and squeezed Grace’s side. Grace fell silent then, her eyes suddenly full of the hurt that had been occupying them for so long.
“I’m dying Tom.”
Tom’s stomach lurched forward. His grip on Grace’s waist loosened.
“What did you just say?”
“It’s a clot in my brain.” Grace’s eyes stayed glued to the floor. “Doctors only found it a couple of weeks ago but they say it’s too big to remove.”
His head went light, cold sweat prickled over his face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you at all but my doctors said it would be harder if you found me dead one morning and didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“Please say you’re joking.” Tom managed; his voice cracked and heavy.
“Apparently it’s a bit like a time bomb in my head, they have no idea when it’s going to off but when it does it’ll be quick. Hardly any pain on my part at all.”
The music started up again, this time a choir was singing a slow and prayerful piece breaking into an operatic soprano solo.
“Ah.” Grace smiled, “This one is called Kyrie for the Magdalene, from The Da Vinci Code, it’s composed by James Horner.”
“I don’t give a damn what this is!” Tom retorted.
He stood up suddenly and walked to the end of the short path. Grace didn’t move from where she sat, eyes still glued to the floor.
“It’s one of my favourites.” She murmured to the floor.
Tom turned and took in her small frame. She was sitting on the edge of the bench, her hands firmly tucked under her legs and her hair hanging limply in front of her face. All anger faded from him and desperation took its place. There at the end of the path he watched the woman he loved and let the sobs take over and escape his lips.
Grace looked up then, her eyes reaching his, all her hidden pain gone and now she had nothing but concern for him. She stood and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands.
“Please don’t cry baby,” she whispered, kissing his cheeks, “I’m fine now, I don’t hurt I promise. I’m fine.”
Tom hated her at that moment for making so light of this. He reached out and pulled her to him, pressing his head against hers. She pulled back and looked into his eyes.
“I love you Tom, if I could have spared you from this then I would.” Tears were flowing freely from both faces now. “You don’t deserve this, I –“
“Shut up Grace!” Tom pushed her away and held her by the shoulders.
“Do you know what you just said to me?” He shouted, “You are dying! You are not perfect enough to only care about me in this so just shut up!”
He let her go, pushing his hair out of his face and turning away from her. There they both stood, three feet from each other, hunched isolated versions of themselves. Three pieces of music played into the park and neither one moved or spoke.
“I have to go,” Grace spoke first.
“Don’t be stupid, the concert’s not finished.”
Grace went back to the bench and sat, pulling out her cigarettes once more. Hands shaking she fumbled with the lighter, trying to get it to work. With every time it failed to light she became more frustrated, eventually she let out a scream and threw the lighter across the park.
“Damn it Tom, I’m terrified! Is that want you wanted to hear?”
Tom watched her from across the park, he didn’t move, he’d forgotten how to.
“I’m sodding dying and I don’t know when! I could be here for another year or I could be gone tomorrow so forgive me if I don’t want to be spending my potential last night feeling sorry for myself.” She grabbed her bag and walked up to him. “Don’t you dare tell me how to deal with this. It’s my problem. I’m the only one who’ll be altered permanently by this so I don’t give damn what you think I should be feeling.”
“I’m sorry.” Tom murmured. It was his turn to avoid eye contact now. He gazed at the floor, the picture of a little boy being told off. He looked up and saw her flushed face and blood shot eyes. “So what now?”
“Now?” Grace sighed as she thought of her answer. "Would you sit with me till the concerts finished?"
"I guess."
Tom took Graces hand and led her to the bench, he sat down and she laid her head on his lap. Some random melody that Grace never identified flowed into the park. Tom took up his stroking of her hair and Grace traced his jean pattern with her finger. Neither said another word that night. They just sat until the concert ended.
Tom saw Grace on the bench, wearing the smallest of smiles and looking calmer than he had seen her in months. Where else would she have been but here? He walked over to the bench and sat down on its cold surface, letting out a breath that was snatched from him by the cold air and transformed into a cloud of mist before emptying away into nothing.
“It’s cold.” He murmured.
“It is,” she replied, her eyes shut and her hand gently moving with the music.
“You know you’re only wearing a T shirt and shorts right?”
“I do.” Grace smiled, her face smooth, a picture of peace.
“Ok, just checking.” Tom replied, closing his eyes and assuming the position Grace held. “So what are we listening to?”
“The main theme from Schindler’s List and yet another classic from John Williams.”
The violin picked up the pace as the piece took a new turn, adding in complex frames and flourishes to the main theme in a breathtaking crescendo. Grace moaned pleasantly as the hairs on her bare arms rose to a stand.
“It’s beautiful, I’ll give you that.” Tom admitted.
“It’s beautiful the first time you hear it, after that the beauty grows and grows until it’s impossible to listen to without it taking over every mood and element of your body.”
Tom smiled; it was just like Grace to be overcome by a piece of wood and a string of horse tail like that.
“I’ll take your word for it.”
“Why don’t you do that Tom.” She agreed, “Then with any luck you’d have lived your life knowing every thing without having felt anything at all.”
“I guess music just isn’t my thing.”
“Nonsense, music is everyone’s thing. You either love it or are too proud to love it.”
Tom snorted and looked at her incredulously. “I’m sorry, but did you actually call me proud? Me?”
The music died down to a finish and Grace pushed herself up on the bench, reaching inside her bag for a cigarette.
“Interval. Twenty minutes to wait for the rich folk to down their Margaritas.”
“Don’t dodge the subject. How am I proud?”
“I don’t make the rules Tom. Its how understanding of music works.”
Grace took out one of her Silk Cut’s and lit it, taking a long drag of it.
“I’m pretty sure that in this scenario Grace, you made the rules.”
Grace sniffed and took another drag before searching in her bag once again and pulling out a chocolate bar.
“So why are you here Tom?”
“Is it not allowed for me to want to spend time with you every now and then?”
She shook her head, “You have an ulterior motive. I can see your nervous body twitching.”
Tom sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. The woman had barely looked sideways at him twice and she was already picking up on his body movements.
“I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be.”
“But are you OK?”
“Yes.”
“It’s just you haven’t been yourself.”
“I know. I’m fine.”
“Are you lying?”
“Yes but don’t push it.”
Tom looked at her, his eyes boring into the side of her face as she concentrated on opening her chocolate bar. He wished more than anything that he could take that pain she had held in her eyes for the past three weeks and throw it away. He couldn’t and she would never admit to having it so he could only do what he was used to doing with her; ignoring it until it was so bad she had to share it with him.
“The moon’s full tonight,” she offered to the uncomfortable silence.
“Yeah.” Tom agreed, turning to face the sky. “It tends to get that way once a month.”
“You ever wondered how weird that is?” She asked.
“I think we’ve got enough science to back it up.”
Grace rolled her eyes, “I mean how weird it is that the moon is always there, always full and yet we don’t always see it. For most of the month it gets to hide itself away and even when we see it as it is now we think it’s full but its not. There’s a whole other side it gets to hide away and no one even thinks about it.”
“Until we figured out how to walk on it.”
Grace kicked the ground stubbornly, “Don’t get me started on that.”
Tom laughed, “I thought you liked the idea of space travel.”
“Well today I don’t.” Grace answered wearing the smallest hint of a smile, “A girl can change her mind, isn’t that what they always say?”
“I believe so.”
Grace turned to Tom and took his hands in hers, stroking his palm with her tiny fingers.
“It’s all a load of rubbish anyway.”
“What is?” Tom smiled, amazed at her warm skin despite the freezing cold air.
“Any idea that’s not my own.” She smiled, turning her eyes onto his and wearing the cheekiest of grins. “You know I know everything.”
“Of course, and what was it you said once? Oh yeah. ’You should come up with the ideas and everyone else should just stop thinking.’”
Grace moved closer to Tom and pulled his arms around her, her face inches from his own.
“Except for you. You can think all you want”
Tom rose in eyebrows in mock surprise, “Really?”
“Well of course!” she smiled devilishly, “How else can I tell you what you say is a load of rubbish?”
She leaned in and drew Tom into a kiss, wrapping her fingers in his hair and throwing all her will into it. Tom responded, he had missed this intimacy from his girlfriend for so long and he wasn’t going to miss a single moment of it now.
Grace was the one to break it; she drew away with almost as much urgency as she started and rested her head lightly on his chest, throwing her legs on the bench and nestling into his arms.
“Turns out I am a little cold.” She murmured into the night air, her words confirmed by the mist created by them.
Tom wrapped his arms tighter around her and rested his lips on the top of her head.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I know.” She whispered back, “I love you too.”
“You know work’s been a little different without you around.” Tom continued, choosing his words carefully so as not to say anything that might upset her mood. “A lot of people have been asking after you.”
“Like who?” Grace asked?
“Tracy and Mike, Catherine is always asking.”
Grace smiled, “Tracy and Mike are just annoyed they can’t double date at the moment. If they’re that bored with each other why be together at all?” She gave Tom’s knee a light squeeze almost in reassurance. “Catherine’s lovely though. I miss her. Tell me about work, what have I missed?”
Tom ran his hand through Graces hair methodically as he started up on the day to day accounts of work at the tiny offices where they made the local paper. Grace lay there, watching the moon as she let his words flow over her while mingling them in with her own thoughts. They stayed that way for at least five minutes until Tom’s stories ceased and his voice trailed into silence.
Tom sat then and watched Graces shoulders move slowly with her breathing. She was so beautiful. In that moment he was happy, happier than he had been in a long time. Maybe now things were going to be ok. The price to pay to be with this beautiful woman was her ‘moments’ as she liked to call them. Moments when she would be so far away it was impossible to reach her, but she always came back, and when she did it was amazing.
“You know what’s weird?” She spoke after a couple of minutes had gone by.
“What?” Tom asked lazily.
“The phrase ‘Not for all the tea in China.’”
Tom bellowed out a huge laugh and Grace sat up shaking her head at his response.
“I mean think about it!” she urged, “Why does China have a lot of tea all of a sudden? And if so then how much tea is there is China? I mean, maybe I’m just stupid but I thought it was our country that was famous for the tea drinking. Surely the phrase should be ‘Not for all the tea in England,’ if it’s going to exist at all.”
“I don’t think it’s just us that drink tea.” Tom offered, calming himself down. “I get the feeling that if you were to go to China, you would find there is a lot of tea drinking there as well.”
“Well it’s still stupid,” she pouted, “who would want that much tea anyway? If someone were to ask me to do something I wouldn’t use billions of tea bags as my example of the highest price they could offer me. I’d prefer the money spent on those teabags instead if anything.”
“Somehow I don’t think, ‘Not for all the money you would spend on the all the tea in China’ works as well.”
“Well it doesn’t stop it from being a stupid saying.”
Tom chuckled, and squeezed Grace’s side. Grace fell silent then, her eyes suddenly full of the hurt that had been occupying them for so long.
“I’m dying Tom.”
Tom’s stomach lurched forward. His grip on Grace’s waist loosened.
“What did you just say?”
“It’s a clot in my brain.” Grace’s eyes stayed glued to the floor. “Doctors only found it a couple of weeks ago but they say it’s too big to remove.”
His head went light, cold sweat prickled over his face.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you at all but my doctors said it would be harder if you found me dead one morning and didn’t get to say goodbye.”
“Please say you’re joking.” Tom managed; his voice cracked and heavy.
“Apparently it’s a bit like a time bomb in my head, they have no idea when it’s going to off but when it does it’ll be quick. Hardly any pain on my part at all.”
The music started up again, this time a choir was singing a slow and prayerful piece breaking into an operatic soprano solo.
“Ah.” Grace smiled, “This one is called Kyrie for the Magdalene, from The Da Vinci Code, it’s composed by James Horner.”
“I don’t give a damn what this is!” Tom retorted.
He stood up suddenly and walked to the end of the short path. Grace didn’t move from where she sat, eyes still glued to the floor.
“It’s one of my favourites.” She murmured to the floor.
Tom turned and took in her small frame. She was sitting on the edge of the bench, her hands firmly tucked under her legs and her hair hanging limply in front of her face. All anger faded from him and desperation took its place. There at the end of the path he watched the woman he loved and let the sobs take over and escape his lips.
Grace looked up then, her eyes reaching his, all her hidden pain gone and now she had nothing but concern for him. She stood and walked over to him, taking his face in her hands.
“Please don’t cry baby,” she whispered, kissing his cheeks, “I’m fine now, I don’t hurt I promise. I’m fine.”
Tom hated her at that moment for making so light of this. He reached out and pulled her to him, pressing his head against hers. She pulled back and looked into his eyes.
“I love you Tom, if I could have spared you from this then I would.” Tears were flowing freely from both faces now. “You don’t deserve this, I –“
“Shut up Grace!” Tom pushed her away and held her by the shoulders.
“Do you know what you just said to me?” He shouted, “You are dying! You are not perfect enough to only care about me in this so just shut up!”
He let her go, pushing his hair out of his face and turning away from her. There they both stood, three feet from each other, hunched isolated versions of themselves. Three pieces of music played into the park and neither one moved or spoke.
“I have to go,” Grace spoke first.
“Don’t be stupid, the concert’s not finished.”
Grace went back to the bench and sat, pulling out her cigarettes once more. Hands shaking she fumbled with the lighter, trying to get it to work. With every time it failed to light she became more frustrated, eventually she let out a scream and threw the lighter across the park.
“Damn it Tom, I’m terrified! Is that want you wanted to hear?”
Tom watched her from across the park, he didn’t move, he’d forgotten how to.
“I’m sodding dying and I don’t know when! I could be here for another year or I could be gone tomorrow so forgive me if I don’t want to be spending my potential last night feeling sorry for myself.” She grabbed her bag and walked up to him. “Don’t you dare tell me how to deal with this. It’s my problem. I’m the only one who’ll be altered permanently by this so I don’t give damn what you think I should be feeling.”
“I’m sorry.” Tom murmured. It was his turn to avoid eye contact now. He gazed at the floor, the picture of a little boy being told off. He looked up and saw her flushed face and blood shot eyes. “So what now?”
“Now?” Grace sighed as she thought of her answer. "Would you sit with me till the concerts finished?"
"I guess."
Tom took Graces hand and led her to the bench, he sat down and she laid her head on his lap. Some random melody that Grace never identified flowed into the park. Tom took up his stroking of her hair and Grace traced his jean pattern with her finger. Neither said another word that night. They just sat until the concert ended.
Who I am
Hi.
I am here to use this blog as a forum. A way of getting what I write out there and see what you think.
My name is Lisa Harries. I'm an unofficial writer who's got far too many ideas in her head. If I can get this going (unlike many other things I have tried) this blog page should show some of the short stories and writing that run through my head on a daily basis, as well as showing other things that inspire me to write what I do.
Without any further ado, I give you Creative Writing from a Plum.
Leese
I am here to use this blog as a forum. A way of getting what I write out there and see what you think.
My name is Lisa Harries. I'm an unofficial writer who's got far too many ideas in her head. If I can get this going (unlike many other things I have tried) this blog page should show some of the short stories and writing that run through my head on a daily basis, as well as showing other things that inspire me to write what I do.
Without any further ado, I give you Creative Writing from a Plum.
Leese
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